Grief is such a strangely personal experience that comforting someone through a loss can feel incredibly tricky, even among the closest friends and family members. In the workplace, it can feel even more complicated. What if you say the wrong thing? What if the gift is too much? Or not enough. Navigating these landmines requires sincerity, sensitivity, and humility. Here are some ideas for gifts you can send that feel personal while remaining appropriate:
Comfort Packages
One of the most universally acceptable sympathy gifts to send to someone suffering a loss is a care package. Pretty much everyone can appreciate a basket or gift box filled with items that show you’re thinking about the person and trying to send comfort. This is also a gift that tends to outlast the others because you can return to a basket again and again for fresh treats or surprises. Fill them with cookies, chocolates, fuzzy socks, candles, and even books on grief to show your coworker your compassion.
Comfort packages are especially thoughtful in the workplace. There, you can pool resources, gain insight into your coworker, and everyone can contribute something personal to them. This collective gift can mean even more to the bereaved because the basket itself is a large, extravagant item, and each gift inside brings a new small delight. A comfort package from the office really is the gift that keeps on giving.
Meals and Groceries
Then, of course, there’s the gift that keeps on giving: the casserole. Food is such an essential resource that giving it to someone who’s grieving crosses virtually every culture. One of the reasons this is such a powerful and almost always appropriate gift is that everyone has to eat. Add to that the fact that many people suffering from a loss will forget to take care of themselves, including eating, and food as a gift can be a literal lifesaver.
To keep a gift of food personal without crossing into inappropriate ranges, you can send a meal delivery from a service or a gift card from a grocery store that delivers. That way, you’re not bringing yet another homemade casserole that needs to be thrown in the freezer and may get forgotten. Many people don’t like to eat food prepared by someone they’re not close to. With a service, you’re still providing nourishment while creating space and offering options.
Plants and Flowers
Then, of course, there’s always the classic gift of plants or flowers. When people are grieving, life can feel really dark and foreboding. It may feel like nothing will ever get better because nothing will ever be the same without their loved one. Trying to make your colleague feel better is far too personal for a coworker. But you can offer a temporary light in the darkness in the form of a bright bouquet of flowers or a hardy plant in a pot.
Flowers are ideal for someone you think will be unlikely to keep even the hardiest plant alive. Yes, flowers will die, but so would a plant that isn’t taken care of. Flowers can also offer a bigger, brighter moment of joy when they arrive. A plant, in contrast, can be a great gift for someone who already loves plants. If you have a coworker with tons of potted plants on their desk, sending a pothos or a snake plant can be a way of saying, “I see you, and I’m here for you.”
Charitable Donations
Almost everyone knows that one person who doesn’t like gifts, is against consumerism, and would rather give money to a good cause. There are also those people who enter a life of activism when they lose a loved one to a chronic illness. In those cases, a donation to charity might be the best gift you can offer. It shows respect for the person’s wishes and can really make a difference in terms of the cause.
This is another gift you can pool resources to buy. Talk to your other coworkers to discuss which cause and organization makes the most sense. Then, spend a few days letting everyone in the office know about your intentions to donate. You could potentially raise a lot of money for something that matters a lot to your coworker. Once you’ve donated as an office, have everyone who contributed sign a card, and send it to your coworker. It will surely mean a lot.
Support Services
Finally, one of the best gifts you can give to someone grieving, whether you’re close or just an acquaintance, is a support service. Grief is heavy, often impossible to bear. This heaviness leaves many people incapable of meeting their basic needs. Yes, food is part of these daily needs. But so, too, are housecleaning, laundry, childcare, and bookkeeping. These tasks are important for daily life, and the more they fall by the wayside during a time of grief, the harder it will be to come back into life when healing begins.
The nice thing about this gift is that you don’t have to know someone well or be particular close to send a housekeeping service to their house for a few hours. Your office can pitch in and provide childcare for your coworkers’ kids, pay for transportation to and from school, or even pay for tutoring expenses. The same goes for light bookkeeping, so your coworkers’ bills still get paid, and they don’t get behind on the mortgage or utilities. This kind of gift can be deeply personal without crossing into intimacy or inappropriate behavior.
In the end, most people grieving are grateful for any kind of recognition or support they get from coworkers. Even a kind word or a card with everyone’s signature can remind them they’re not alone. It’s also important to remember to keep showing up for your coworker weeks and months later. Often, they’ll be hit with reminders of their lost loved one, and offering a gentle word, flowers, or a meal can go a long way.